[Amy]
Are you a career and family woman who’s great at taking care of everyone except yourself? You’d like to get refilled, but there’s just not enough time in the day? If so, you’re in the right place, friend.

I’m Amy Gustafson with How Leaders Replenish. Consider this your one-stop shop to enjoy some coffee talk with a gal pal, where we’ll dig into replenishment, relationships, and fulfilling your life calling with God’s grace, so you can be a better version of who you were made to be for the benefit of not just you, but everyone around you. Let’s do this.

Hello, everyone. I am excited to have Liah Monat with me here today. Liah is a very special person in my life. She has been our executive assistant for the last, how many years, Liah?

[Liah]
It’s over 10 now.

[Amy]
Over 10! I’m super excited to be visiting with her today. She fills the voids in my life! I am an average organized person, but Liah is exceedingly organized. Whether it comes to events or time or spaces, she loves to organize. It is one of her top giftings. She is also extremely creative. I remember having a test done years ago when she started working with the church, and she scored a 10 in creativity.

The creator of the test told me that it is very strange to find an adult who still scores a 10 in creativity, because a lot of times people lose that creativity in their teen years. She’s organized and creative, and just a very, very fun person to be around. I am super thankful to have you with us today.

[Liah]
Thank you, and thank you for the wonderful introduction. You’re so sweet and kind, and I think you’re a little generous with what you say, but thank you!

[Amy]
I think probably not generous enough. You’re an amazing person. I like to say, “to know Liah is to love Liah.” I want to share this conversation with all of you, our listeners, because Liah brings so much to the table with her organizational life. She is someone who just really does life well, and I want you to be able to hear some of the life hacks she does, things to simplify life and make things better, because even though she has a lot on her plate, she always has a persona and a presence of peace everywhere she goes. Even when a lot is going on in her life. I would love for all of us to glean some wonderful things from her today.

Liah, first of all, could you tell us about you, your married life, your home life?

[Liah]
Yeah! I am married to an amazing man named Michael, and we’ll be celebrating our fifth anniversary this summer. We have an amazing daughter. She is almost a year and a half, and her name is Aspen.

She’s a lot of fun and full of energy! And we are expecting our second baby in October!

[Amy]
Very, very exciting! Since we mentioned organization, I remember when she was pregnant with her first daughter, and she had her car seat in the back seat of the car one or two months before her baby was born. She actually had been believing for a baby and praying for a baby.

By faith, she took a room and decorated it as a nursery before she ever was pregnant because she said, I am believing for this, so I’m going to act out in faith and decorate my room. I remember it was a beautiful nursery that she had made. And now it’s super exciting to see your life unfolding and all of the neat things that are happening for you! So that everyone knows a little bit more about you, what is your personality type, maybe on the DISC or the Myers-Briggs? Can you tell us about that?

[Liah]
Yeah, so I just retook the Myers-Briggs recently, and my personality on there is an ESFJ, which, if you know about it or if you don’t, is extroverted, observant, feeling, and judging. The nickname for this personality type is a “console”, which is basically a helper. A little quote from it is, “life is sweetest when shared with others, making them feel supported and cared for.” I feel that’s very true.

[Amy]
That is!

[Liah]
Yeah.

[Amy]
I love that. What about the DISC? What are you on the DISC?

[Liah]
I think it was S I, if I remember. I haven’t looked at it in a while.

[Amy]
So I would guess, for those who are familiar with the disc personality inventory, that you’re probably a C second, lowest in D, which D would be the natural leader. And one interesting thing about Liah is when she first started working with us 10 years ago, she didn’t have the natural leadership tendency. She was very much more the helper, like she’s talking about. But over the last 10 years, it has been so fun to watch her develop in her skills and her personality, and she has really learned to become a leader.

And so she is a very graceful leader, and you wouldn’t even know that naturally she scores lower on the D or the leadership part, because now she has learned to just handle situations and take leadership when she needs to. What would you say about that transformation in yourself? How have you done that, And how do you walk that out so gracefully being it isn’t your top gifting?

[Liah]
I think a lot of it came with growing in confidence in God and who I was, but also growing in confidence in the role I have, especially with the church. Now it’s kind of like, in a way, I don’t want to say I know what I’m doing, but it feels kind of routine, and I know how to handle these situations because I’ve usually encountered them before, and just learning from you guys as well, and just how to lead gracefully most of the time. It’s been a fun adventure to see that kind of develop a bit. My husband is funny because he says I have a work voice and a home voice, so he can kind of tell when I’ve been at work for a while because it’s a little bit more confident and leadership-oriented, which I find interesting.

[Amy]
And what about love languages? What are your top love languages?

[Liah]
My top love languages have shifted slightly since having a kiddo. So now they’re leaning a little bit more towards acts of service and then quality time, where it used to be quality time was number one.

But I find a lot of joy when I get help in different areas.

[Amy]
Isn’t that so true? When you have littles, you definitely need more hands on board to be helping with things. That is so true. What are the biggest points that you’ve had to work through in harmonizing your home life and your work life?

[Liah]
I think one of the biggest things is that I can be kind of a busy body, and I like to do lots of things. I think of myself sometimes as Martha in the Bible, where she was just busy and cooking meals and doing things.

And I have to be intentional to slow down once I get home, especially for Aspen and Michael. His top love language is quality time, so I kind of have to shift that gear and really make sure to really prioritize family time over household work and things like that. That’s been the biggest shift in the last year and a half since having Aspen.

[Amy]
You’ve mentioned to me before that Michael is big on making sure you get five minutes of couch time each day. Is that still the case?

[Liah]
Yes, it’s still the case. He’s very gracious to kind of take over Aspen for a little bit once I get home, but he still goes, can you sit with us? And so, yeah, he’s very crucial on the five minutes. And almost every time, and I still have to battle, like I’ll be doing dishes and he’s like, “five minutes!” And I’m like, “but I’m almost done with the dishes!” And he’s like, “five minutes!” “Okay, okay.” So he’s very good at keeping me on track with that and making sure I stay in tune to our relationship and our family, which is most important.

[Amy]
And I remember you saying before you had children, he would even say you needed five minutes of couch time for the sake of Bear, your dog. And so for those of you who have never heard of couch time, it’s a parenting principle that Shaun and I sometimes teach people about, which is that your kids need to see you sit for 5 to 10 minutes on the couch and just have uninterrupted conversation where the focus isn’t on the kids, but it’s just on you two talking about good things from your day, not bad things, but good things from your day and having positive interaction with each other.

And that builds security in the kids’ hearts to see that mom and dad are good and everything is cohesive and in harmony in their relationship, and a real confidence in kids. So you said before kids, Michael said, “our dog Bear needs this for his confidence.” Yes. And I still think he’d say that.

[Liah]
He always says “our two children,” not counting the baby. So now he says “three,” so he still counts Bear as a child, our first born.

[Amy]
So what are some life or organizational hacks that have really helped you in your life to make things flow more smoothly?

[Liah]
So I used to deal with procrastination a lot. And in my teen years, I kind of was getting frustrated with myself about how much I procrastinate. And I thought, you don’t need to be like this.

And so I kind of developed this internal thing where I said, if it takes less than 60 seconds or even up to five minutes then I just do it right now. And that has been a huge change for me. So that one thing has been transformative, I think, because instead of just leaving all these dishes in the sink, I just do them quick, and then you never have this major pile of dishes.

[Amy]
Speaking of dishes and you saying, “then you never have a major pile of dishes,” I’ve been reading an organizational book by a woman named Dana K. White, and one of the things she talks in there about is “dishes math.” She said that she used to be someone who didn’t do dishes, and she would just let them pile up. But what she didn’t realize is that “dishes math” means that the longer you leave dishes, the more the time it will take you to do them multiplies. Food gets stuck on, and you may only be able to put just so many in the dishwasher, and then the rest you have to do by hand. If you actually time yourself, loading the dishwasher or unloading the dishwasher usually doesn’t take more than four minutes. But she said, if you wait like two days to do dishes, instead of having those short time spots to do dishes, it’s going to be like an hour the next day and two hours the next day, and it keeps adding up the longer you let them sit.

And so that’s so true. If you just do something that can be done in less than five minutes, it will simplify your life more than what you realize.

[Liah]
Yes. And it’s amazing how much that helps with your mental health even, just having a clean kitchen. Other clean spaces are important too, but a clean kitchen, if you can have one room that stays generally very clean, it’s very refreshing. Another practical thing is laundry. Some people do a laundry day, but we’re more of a one or two loads every other day household. Laundry day is terrible for me. I do not like mountains of laundry.

We might’ve done that when it was just my husband and I, but with our daughter, she goes through so many clothes. So we like to do one or two loads because then we feel like we’re always on top of it, and we never are searching for clean clothes.

[Amy]
And do you have any tricks with doing laundry? Like when do you fold it? Some people fold straight out of the dryer or some people let it sit for a while in a laundry bin and do it the next day.

What’s your process?

[Liah]
Typically our goal is to do it right away. If not in the next few hours, obviously with kids that can be a variable, but that is the goal. We kind of have separate hampers. So we know if the clothes are in this hamper, it’s clean. And so if one of us sees it, we’ll put it away.

[Amy]
So you’re saying you have a certain color for clean clothes in a colored hamper for dirty clothes so that you don’t mix them up.

[Liah]
Exactly.

[Amy]
Smart thinking.

[Liah]
Yes. Cause for a while I was using the same hamper for both and my husband was getting confused. So he was rewashing some of our clothes, which is gracious.

I’m glad he helps with laundry.

[Amy]
Oh, that’s awesome. I hear some of our listeners say that by the end of the week they feel like they have nothing left to give. As you know, Leah, there’s a big difference between medicating and replenishing. So someone might feel exhausted and like they’ve been emptied out and our natural tendency of our flesh is to just sit on the couch and watch TV, or for some people it might be alcohol. For some people, it might be drugs. For some, it might be illicit relationships or looking at things online that aren’t benefiting their life.

It could even just be something like shopping to the point of over-shopping. It isn’t healthy, and I will have to raise my hand in that one. And I think you do too.

[Liah]
We run into each other at TJ Maxx.

[Amy]
Liah and I love TJ Maxx. And yes, I remember it wasn’t that long ago we ran into each other and it was my day off and I’m like, “I’m here medicating through shopping. Yes.” But sometimes that isn’t healthy. Sometimes it’s a good thing, but sometimes it’s not healthy, right? There’s a difference because some things just numb the pain or put a bandaid on it, and it may not even be a bad thing, it’s just that it’s not filling you up. Where there are some things actually refill the gas tank of the car, you could say, so that you have energy to run for a longer distance. So what are some of the things you do to actually replenish, not just bandaid it, but replenish that it actually feels like it fills you up?

[Liah]
There are some things that I do daily that, you know, time with God, that’s big and important. That’s shifted a bit since I’ve had Aspen. She’s very much an early riser and she likes to go, go, go.

So I’ve been using a lot of the Bible app for listening to the Bible. I feel like that’s better than not getting it in you.

So that’s very replenishing. I also like listening to messages, of course. And another thing is I like ice water. Even if I’m in a chaotic moment, drinking ice water really helps me relax and feel replenished.

[Amy]
Water has multiple soothing effects. Have you seen that? That’s interesting that you say its ice water for you, but there are lots of things. In fact, I just did a podcast about how to replenish through water and I didn’t even talk about drinking water.

[Liah]
There we go. Being outside is something too. I was even telling my husband yesterday Aspen was kind of having a hard time– I think she’s getting some teeth–and I told him, “it just makes such a difference for both of us; If we just go outside.” Then we’re just getting fresh air, we’re hearing the birds, especially when it’s getting nicer here in Minnesota. Yesterday was beautiful. And I think we both just calmed down a little and it was just so refreshing. Another thing that I’ve been doing since I’ve been pregnant is I’ve been taking a bath every night, which is very replenishing too.

[Amy]
Another water thing!

[Liah]
Exactly. I know. Yes.

[Amy]
Yes. You know what? You just mentioned previously about going outside and how that not only helps you, but it helps Aspen at age one and a half. That’s interesting that you mentioned that, and I think that is a great parenting hack that I wish I had known early on as a new mom. And some personalities seem to be especially more nature oriented even than others, but with our third child, our son, if he was having a fussy time and it wasn’t that he was hungry and didn’t need a new diaper and it wasn’t nap time, but just fussing for no reason, I discovered (actually in the middle of winter) that he wanted to be outside. So I would bundle both of us up, and I remember once going out on our patio on a day that was like probably five degrees out and had scarves over our faces and everything, and just his little eyes were showing from the hood and the scarf over him, and I just sat out on a chair on our patio for about 15 minutes with him, freezing. We were both bundled very well, but he just went totally quiet and looked around and it was like that just soothed his soul. He was fine after that. We went inside and he was all happy again. And so sometimes there’s just something even with children about just needing a little outside time.

[Liah]
Yes. Very regulating and healing.

[Amy]
Liah, do you and your husband have anything that you do to replenish your relationship on a consistent basis or from time to time? Tell us about that.

[Liah]
Yeah. I love going on dates when we can. We like to go on walks and just be out in nature.

We love visiting areas that have pretty places where we can go on hikes. We like to watch funny things before bed sometimes. And then there’s also times lately where we’ve just been sitting out on our front patio, just kind of talking about future things.

And that’s been a lot of fun too. It’s replenishing to look forward and not just talk about our days, but like what we envision for our future. So that’s been really nice.

[Amy]
That is! I remember that before you had children, I thought you told me once that you used to always have a Friday night date. Sometimes it was just at home, sometimes other places.

Do you still do that now that you have children?

[Liah]
Yes and no. It shifts a little bit. I think it just kind of depends on the night. We just kind of pick a night and it’s usually in the house because we don’t have a lot of people that can watch our daughter.

And so sometimes after she goes to bed, we’ll watch a movie or have a special meal, but usually it’s at home. If it’s a quick date thing, sometimes we go to Chick-fil-A. We like Chick-fil-A. It’s the Lord’s chicken. [laughter] So we definitely try to do the date nights. We are even going to Colorado this summer, And Michael goes, “I want to go to a movie with you before our next baby comes. Let’s go in Colorado!”

[Amy]
Oh, fun! That would be great. I love it. How do you keep a check on your relationship to make sure that you’re staying at a healthy condition in your marriage? Is there anything that’s like a check engine light for you? Yes.

[Liah]
So one thing about Michael’s and my relationship is that we were long-distance the whole time, And so we learned a lot about tone of voice and noticing the differences in our voices. so we can kind of tell if someone is a little irritated, or agitated, or had a harder day, or tired, things like that. So that can kind of be our gauge. And Michael is almost better at picking this up. I don’t know if I’m just better at telling my emotions, but I can often get what I call “hirritated.” That’s hungry and irritated. So when I’m really hungry, I tend to get a little bit more snappy. I don’t know if that’s the right word, but I can be a little short and he recognizes it very quickly and he’s like, “eat a snack!” And I’m like, “okay!” So he’s very, very generous and can pick up on that very quickly. And he’s very good about telling me if he’s had a hard day at work.

There’s been a little bit more of that lately, and so sometimes he’ll go, “I just… I just need a minute.” And so I just kind of let him sit and decompress and don’t ask a bunch of questions and things like that.

I can be a little talkative sometimes. So then I know to just kind of sit and be still for a bit. That’s kind of how we keep a gauge on that.

[Amy]
That’s a really good point you just made that he will tell you when it’s been a hard day, because I think so many times in relationships, that’s a skill that some people don’t know to do. They’ve never been taught that. And if someone’s had a hard day and they come home and they share that with their spouse or their kids, whoever’s around like, “oh, it’s been a hard day. I need a few minutes to decompress,” then you know it’s not you and it prevents having misunderstandings of the person thinking, what did I do to upset him or that type of thing. When a couple knows to just make that statement and then give the other one some space, that is so helpful for a relationship, staying at a healthy place.

[Liah]
Yeah, I agree.

[Amy]
That’s great that you guys do that with each other! DELETE THIS Is there anything you two do as a family to make great connection with each other or with your daughter or maybe extended family?

I know you have nieces and a nephew that you’re very close with. So what do you do for connection? Any great pointers you can give us?

[Liah]
Yeah, we love focusing on experiences. So anything that we can really do together to get each other laughing. Laughing is a big healing thing too.

We found, especially with our daughter, and it’s just fun to get her laughing. And I was remembering just last night, we did something kind of goofy, but we have a little jeep toy car, but kids can fit in it. You know what I mean? Like the big wheels, but it’s remote controlled. And so my husband was driving it on the gravel road and my daughter’s just sitting in it, like lounging. And she was just having the time of her life.

So we were just on a simple little walk in this little jeep that’s remote controlled and she’s just having a blast. So that was a lot of fun. With extended family and with my nieces and nephews who–I have a sister who’s much older, so I had my first niece when I was 13– they’ve been in my life for a very long time. And then they adore Michael as well. But we try to do birthday dates with them and they get to pick what they want to do. And even my oldest niece is now 17 and she is so excited! She picked sea life this year. So we’re going to go up to the aquarium at the Mall of America. It’s just so fun to see them get excited about it, but we love sowing that time into them. It’s really special. Also, another thing that we do to kind of cultivate those healthy relationships is try to remember people’s favorites or preferences. It’s a lot of fun, and it can get tricky sometimes because they change their minds a lot. So I remember one time I was like, “oh yeah, you don’t like popcorn, right?” And she goes, “no, I do now.” And I was like, “okay! I will remember that for next time.” But yeah, just remembering what people like. And I try to do that with my husband as well. And even people around me. If you can remember a few things that people love, it really makes them feel loved and cared for and just special.

[Amy]
That is so true. And you are so good at doing that here with church. When we have guest speakers come in for a ladies event or a marriage conference or some type of event, Liah is great at just having–I think you keep it on Google Docs–every person’s name and their likes and dislikes. And she’ll call their admin assistant and find out in advance, “can you tell me some of their favorites, anything they don’t like, any places they like to eat, anything special to them?” People feel so honored when there’s been an effort made to find out about them. And it’s like, “oh, wow! My favorites are here waiting at the hotel room for me!” And so that is such a big deal. It really goes a long way with people when you remember what is important to them.

[Liah]
Yeah. And I think it’s okay if that doesn’t come naturally, cause I like remembering things, I kind of find it like a challenge. Like, can I remember these facts about this person and, you know, truly cultivate that.

But a tip I have too, is either a Google Doc, even with just your family, your husband, your kids, extended family, or a little note card with their name and their favorites. Although those may change, you can always update it. But it is just so fun seeing their reaction when they’re like, “oh! They remembered I like that!” Or sometimes I’ll pick up, you know, my husband’s favorite things at the store and he just gets real excited. He loves snacks.

[Amy]
I love that. Yeah. It’s so important to make people feel valued.

And that is a huge way to make them feel valued. So if you could go back to the 20 year old Liah and talk to her, is there any advice that you would give yourself? And I realize you’re, you’re not even that far from 20, but…

[Liah]
Farther now. It’s about 10 years ago. So yes, that was a big, big transition in my life was kind of when I started working for the church.

And shortly before I started working for the church, I gave my life to the Lord more fully. And I asked Him to kind of take it over. And I think if I were to go back to that time, I would tell myself to wait on God.

And that everything that you prayed for or are going to pray for is going to come to pass in His perfect timing. But it’s nothing that you can do to push it any faster other than grow in him and really find out who you are.

[Amy]
That is really great advice. And yeah, it’s just been neat to see your life play out because being that you’ve been with us for 10 years on staff. And before that you volunteered heavily for three years since you were 17, I believe.

And so we’ve just gotten to watch your life and see like the waiting seasons and then the manifestation seasons of dreams and prayers coming true. And it’s been so fun to see that journey. I know you are a huge reader.

If there was one book other than the Bible that you could recommend to people to read, what would that be?

[Liah]
Yes. I was thinking about that. And I actually have been recently kind of rereading this book and it’s Love Does by Bob Goff. Kind of the summary of this book is that love takes action and that we need to focus on actively loving people.

And I just love that. It’s just been really transformative lately. DELETE THIS I love the reminder to be bold in your love for Jesus, but also to share that love with others. I just think it’s a great book. So if you haven’t read it, definitely read it.

[Amy]
It is a great read. I remember a number of years back, you actually had that at your desk and I saw it and it got my attention because it’s a teal cover with colorful balloons all over it. And I said, “what is that book? It looks so fun!” And you told me, so I read it and it is a great read. Do you have a favorite verse or quote that is a life verse or a big encouragement to you that you can share with us? Yes.

[Liah]
So it’s a little funny how I found this verse. A little thing about me is I love numbers and I feel like they have significance sometimes. And so my birthday is 10/23 and I was like, “okay! I’m going to find a life verse!” So this is when I was younger. So it was, you know, probably just a goofy thing, but I ran across Hebrews 10:23. And that is, “let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering for He who promised is faithful.” And that has never held more true. I feel like throughout that whole waiting season for a husband and believing for baby, “He who promised is faithful,” is just, part of my life.

[Amy]
That’s a great verse for all of us, you know? Because we’re all going to have times of waiting in our life where it’s like, “when is this going to happen?!” DELETE THIS And He who promised IS faithful. So great word to share with all of us. Thank you for being with us today, Liah. We appreciate you sharing your wisdom with us so very much.

So, and thank you for listening today. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. God bless your week, and may you get lots of replenishment.

We’ll see you next time!